Empire of Gold
by N.L. Nameless
Summary: The war is far from over. Anakin has changed for the worst and the galaxy is falling apart. The only way for Obi-Wan to cope, is to write letters to the one he has lost to darkness, and the one who, most likely, will bring him to ruin. Rated T for very light swearing and violence.
1. Letter 1

**A/N: I am sleep deprived. But I have an idea...I'm so going to regret this…**

—

_Empire of Gold_

Post ROTS (Ep. III)

—

**The war is far from over. Anakin has changed for the worst and the galaxy is falling apart. The only way for Obi-Wan to cope, is to write letters to the one he has lost to the darkness, and the one who most likely will bring him to ruin. Rated T for very light swearing and violence**.

—

**Chapter 1**

_19 BBY, Tatooine_

Dear Anakin,

It's been precisely one month now. One long month, to say the least. I refuse to call you by the name Palpatine bestowed upon you.

Darth Vader.

It doesn't fit.

It sounds cryptic and...lifeless. Anakin suits you better, or, who you once were. So, I will continue to refuse to call you '_Vader_' and simply refer to you as _Anakin_.

I haven't been too productive of the late, to my growing displeasure. I'm growing old I suppose.

I...do not know why I am writing these letters to you. I do not know if you will ever read them. And surprisingly, I don't mind. I will try to be discreet when I send them, so that you, and whatever is left of the old Clone Army, cannot find me.

I do have a few questions though, or many questions, but there has been one that has been pestering for quite awhile:

_Why?_

It's such a simple question, don't you agree? _Why?_ It's one word, so how in the karking Force can it say so much?

Why did you do it? Kill the Jedi, I mean. Why did you do it?

Were you so corrupted by the Dark Side that you were _blinded_ to the actions you have caused? Were you _deaf_ to the cries of the brothers and sisters that you once stood side by side, now slaughtered? Were you _numb_ to the ache in the Force as it begged you to stop? What changed, what happened?! Why, why, WHY?!

But I guess it doesn't matter anymore. Qui-Gon always said to live in the present. No need to dream of the 'what ifs'. The Jedi are gone. By your hand.

It hurt so much, Anakin, did you know that? It hurt so much to see you in Mustafar like that. I did what I had to, I'm sorry. I'm so so, truly sorry, old friend…

But that will never be enough, will it? No, no, of course not, you always jumped to conclusions. _Always_.

Anakin, what you have done—it—I don't—I DON'T UNDERSTAND! And I can practically hear your bitter sneer in my _head_ saying,

"Of course you don't, you are 'Mr. Proper, Perfect Jedi.'"

And you are right as well as you are _wrong_! I don't know why you did it! But Anakin, I am a person as well! I have made attachments, by the Force, I made an attachment with YOU! I have gone against the Code before, despite what you may think! But I _don't know_! I can't _understand_, I can't _comprehend _WHY you killed every single person who CARED about you! I cannot _fathom_ WHY you killed the Jedi! Yes, I _know_ the war has taken a toll on everyone morality, and you've always jumped before you looked, but Anakin, that was _ludicrous_! You killed even the _younglings_ in the Temple! And Mustafar, oh Anakin, what have I done wrong? Where did I go wrong? Did I not give you enough attention? Did I give you too much? Was I wise enough? Smart enough? Patient enough? I turned a blind eye to your '_affairs'_ with Padmé, which, yes, was _painstakingly _obvious! Subtly was never your strong suit, old friend. But, that's not the issue...Why, Anakin, why? Why would do something so horrendous, such as that? I don't...I don't even _know_ who you are. You are, but a cybernetic stranger to me, a cold husk in the place of my best friend. I am sorry, Anakin, I have failed you.

I...have failed you.

-Obi-Wan Kenobi


	2. Letter 2

**Chapter 2**

_19 BBY, Tatooine_

Dear Anakin,

I have sent you the previous letter, and you have not replied, to my relief. I hope you never do. And that is selfish of me, I know, but I am tired. Everything's been going past me like a blur, it's all surreal. _I am tired_.

It's quiet without you, or even Ahsoka. I do not know how her well-being is nor location since the siege on Mandalore. I do dearly hope she's alright. You are never going to let me live this down, but...I miss the action. The adventures we used to have in the stars, blowing up Separatist aircrafts, many many happy landings, lightsaber duels, fighting for our lives, I missed that. I never liked war, you know that, it was always too violent and bloodthirsty for my tastes. I never particularly liked watching someone code to me die either. Rex, Fives, Cody, Tup, Hardcase, Wolffe, Dogma, Hevy, Echo, the 501st and the 212th...all good men. Force, what ever happened to them? Did they...were they forced to be a part of your notorious Empire? Anakin! What in the blazes are you thinking?! They are individual people with rights to choose whether or not to serve a cause! They _deserve_ to choose…

I've heard what you've been doing, _Vader_. Hunting down the remains of the Jedi so that we have no chance of rising from the ashes of the Temple you burned to the ground, that very Temple that was your _home_. I still can't believe you did _those _things and continue to do them to this day. You are a cold-hearted, violent, sick, twisted bastard, you know that? You...I should have killed you on the lava banks if Mustafar! I should have just ended your misery right then and there! But I...I couldn't. I couldn't even if I engrossed myself into the trenches of the Dark Side itself, using my hatred for what you have done and what you have become. I could never have run my 'saber through your heart. I guess that is what makes me weak. Vulnerable. Because I could not kill someone I love. _Vader_ apparently has no problem with _that_, though. I know what I did to you Anakin. I maimed you, left you to burn and rot on those fiery banks of Mustafar. I made you into this...creature I keep seeing on the holonet. It's only been a month and a few weeks now, and you have made quite the name for yourself.

Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith, the Emperor's Right Hand and Heir to the Throne.

Quite a mouthful of titles. But those were the fancy ones...I am talking about the ones you are _mostly _known by:

_Murderer._

_Destroyer of Worlds._

_Demon._

_Monster._

_Slayer of Jedi._

_Executioner._

The list goes on...but I'm sure you know already, so I shall not bore you any longer.

Is this what you wanted to be your legacy? To be 'evil incarnate'? Because you are doing a splendid job then. And if you are waiting for me to slip up and tell you where I am so you can _delicately _detach my head from my shoulders, then I am afraid to say your efforts were in vain. Good day.

-Obi-Wan Kenobi

**A/N: I know Rex and Wolffe never died but Obi-Wan doesn't know that :)**


	3. Letter 3

**Chapter 3**

_19 BBY, Tatooine_

Dear Anakin,

I am sorry for what I said to you in the last letter, I didn't mean to come off so rude, but I got so angry all of a sudden. I shouldn't have called you those things, I got carried away. This is my third letter now, and you still have yet to respond. I am starting to think you haven't even read the first, but alas, what do I know?

I had a dream last night.

No...a _nightmare_.

It was on Mustafar (because apparently I cannot stop bringing _that _up), it was when...when I jumped off the platform we were on and onto the black sand. You flipped to cut me in half from behind when I—

I—

I could feel your _pain_. Your _hate_ and _anger_. I could feel _everything_. That lack of limbs, the searing pain, the flames licking at your back, the inky smoke clogging your lungs and burning your eyes. You were screaming too, hot tears streaming down your face. Anakin, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'msorrryi'msorryi'msorryi'msorry. I—you were _dying_, but not...not physically. Despite being on fire, I felt this...cold weight in my—your gut, hanging like there like lead. I felt your desperation for me to—to end your suffering.

And then nothing.

Silence.

Then I heard something.

It a heavy breath, the sound of a respirator going **KUH-KURR**.

I felt...cold.

I woke up in drenched in sweat that night. Ended up downing several interesting 'beverages' to get that _sound_ out of my head. I eventually hacked it all out in the 'fresher anyway. Then for the rest of the day...I...I don't remember. I remember snapping back into existence around dusk, still trembling. I know I was still trembling because my hand wouldn't stop shaking. But I was able to drag myself out of my pathetic state to write you an equally pathetic letter about said pathetic state.

I am sorry, Anakin. I know, no matter how many times I say it, you will never forgive me, not entirely at least. And it's not like I can waltz into the Imperial Center and shout at the top of my lungs,

"I am sorry Anakin! I hope you don't kill me!"

But if we do meet again, old friend, you will kill me. That, I can guarantee. But there's a desperate part of me that hopes. Hopes that there still may be good in you, and you may not kill me immediately in our next encounter.

But hope is a dangerous thing.

-Obi-Wan Kenobi


	4. Letter 4

**Chapter 4**

_19 BBY, Tatooine_

Dear Anakin,

Drinking your problems away, frankly, doesn't help. In truth, it only makes things worse. I should know. I did it last night again. More new on the holonet keep showing barbaric pictures and videos of a man in a black mask leading masses of troopers in white armor. The carnage you left behind…The war you have waged...The people you have cut down in your path...I can practically smell the ozone and rotting, burning flesh, I can smell the smoke and the fire...

I've just recovered from my splitting hangover to write this letter. Is there something I can do that could make you stop? What is it worth?

I've thought a little bit more...now I see. There was always a little bit of Vader in you, even when you were young. You never fit in with the other Padawan learners, always sticking out in someway. You built the bubble of confidence around yourself to shield the world away from you insecurities. I remember when that bubble popped and someone else came into your place. At the time, I shrugged it aside, and assumed you were in another tantrums. I—I should have…. no, no more 'I should have' or 'I could have'. I accept the fact that you are no longer the man I once knew. You are not Anakin Skywalker, but Darth Vader.

If Padmé could see you now, she would be ashamed. She would never love Vader and the actions he has caused in his greedy conquest of power. She would have never accepted someone so vile to raise children with her. Especially someone who _murder_ed children. Anakin Skywalker is dead. He is _dead_. He died the day the Jedi Purge happened, on the steps of the Jedi Temple. You killed him. You _killed _him.

And I will never forgive you for that.

Padmé will never forgive you for that.

No one will forgive you for that.

You, Darth Vader, are a monster, a horrid creature born of the Dark Side of the Force.

Anakin Skywalker is dead.

The Chosen One is dead.

-Obi-Wan Kenobi.

**Guest: I know, I'm sorry :(**

**EllanaSkywalker: Thank you so much!**

**BlackFire: Thank you, I know these are short, I'll try and make it a bit longer. ;) Though, this one was a bit short.**


	5. Letter 5

**Chapter 5**

_18 BBY, Tatooine_

Dear Anakin,

It's been awhile. I stopped sending letters for several months, I...I'm sorry for what I said about Padmé, she was a wonderful person and her memory shouldn't be used as a weapon against those who loved her. I'm just… I still can't get over everything. I can't get over what you've done.

The wound is still fresh, I suppose.

At the rate you're going at, there will be no more Galaxy to bring under your heel. I see you venting your anger to use as fuel on warfare...like a Sith would.

Isn't that suit uncomfortable? It sure looks like it. And you appear...taller too. Prosthetics…

I…

Never mind.

The Force is bathed in darkness. It was once humming with light...now with all the Jedi dead and you and..._Palpatine_…

He was the Supreme Chancellor! And he was the Sith Lord we were looking for all this time, orchestrating both sides of the war! And he slipped under our noses this entire time! I can't believe it! We should of seen it! We should have acted on it sooner before he became too powerful in the Senate! But what did I say about 'should have's in the last letter...

I guess we can't get away from them can we? I sit here all day think about the 'should have' and the 'what if'. It is hypocritical of me if I tell you not to think of 'should have' and 'what if' when I am clearly doing so myself.

Or you completely ignore the previous chunk of the letter and continued to think of the 'should have' and the 'what if'.

That sounds like something you would do. Always disobeying orders…every time.

Nothing of interest has been happening of late. Just the usual.

How are you?

-Obi-Wan Kenobi

**Guest: Yes I did reply :) and I am replying again. Yeah, I guess Obi-Wan was mean in this one, but he's hurting too. And tysm! This is a tad short too though...**


	6. Letter 6

**Chapter 6**

_18 BBY, Tatooine_

Dear Anakin,

Six letters in and you have yet to reply.

As a feared Sith Lord, do you ever get personal time? A break? I find it very hard to see you function if you don't have your 'breaks'. You used to whine about them all the time, back when you were a Padawan. _My_ Padawan.

Back when you were a Jedi.

Back when the Republic existed.

Never mind, I'd hate to ruin the conversation because I am slipping off into old memories.

What's it like? The Dark Side? Is it...is it like how the holobooks in the Archive describe it as? A cold, inky, black prison or a hot and angry fire? Or is it how this Sith of Old describe it as liberal and freeing, like the feeling of their 'chains being broken' as they used the term in their code, after all.

I still hear the sound of breathing in my sleep. The sound of your pained cries as I left you to burn and rot. The sound of screams as a lightsaber is being brought on them. The fact that if I had just been stronger, the Empire will not have its fearsome Enforcer like it does today? If I was stronger, your suffering would have ended. But didn't we have this conversation already?

Yes. Yes we did.

I am running out of things to write to you, Anakin. My life is as bland as it can get right now. No more war, no more Jedi, no more Clones, it's just me. Just Obi-Wan. Not Master Kenobi or High General Kenobi, it's just Obi-Wan, the man who lost his best friend and his brother the same day, losing everything else he cared about in the process, but...that hurt the most. Losing you to the Dark Side. That hurt the most.

Do you still fix things?

Mechanics, I mean.

It wouldn't be odd, I suppose, given the fact you are more machine than man now. And you always fiddled around with your right arm prosthetic, the one you lost to Dooku, trying to make it better than it was beforehand.

I can plainly see that the probably isn't comfortable either, but how do you take it off?

Does a machine do it?

A machine taking apart a machine...hmm.

If you do ever give a reply to my letters, hopefully you can answer the questions I have, you know that I have trouble sating my curiosity. Until I write again, old friend!

-Obi-Wan Kenobi

**ThatTubaGuy: Don't worry I will ;) I think I have a total of 10 chapters planned, but that may change…**

**masterkenobi25: Thank you! I never planned for there being a reply, but the more I think about it...the better it sounds :) Thanks for the idea, maybe it'll be the next chapter…**


	7. Letter 7

**Chapter 7**

_18 BBY, Coruscant/Imperial Center_

Kenobi,

You're pathetic attempts to bring me back to the Light are futile. If this is some silly past time to keep that old head of yours occupied, I suggest that you do _not_ send more letters to me of that topic. I do not need your mindless, wallowing suffering. Yes, my duties require me to hunt down the remaining Jedi and opposers to the Empire. Anakin Skywalker was a Jedi Knight. I killed him during the Purge. We will not speak of him again.

I will answer none of your questions for now.

Vader

_18 BBY, Tatooine_

Dear Anakin,

Oh...

You...replied.

I...I was not intending to bring you back to the Light, Anakin. I...Just want to understand. Yes, this is a pastime...of the sorts. It's like a therapeutic thing I do. To release the guilt I have, I assume. I will try not to convince you to the Light, I know you have already fallen completely into darkness...I hope not, though. I do mindlessly wallow in my suffering, heh. Maybe that's why I feel so old all the time. I do hope those Jedi are able to escape your wrath, Anakin, but the people who oppose the Empire just want peace, not war. Maybe, they are tired of being oppressed. Of being cut down. You should listen to their cries, Anakin. You may be able to make your Empire stronger though loyalty than fear.

And Anakin Skywalker, may be dead, but his name will bring hope to those who have none. He will be the guiding light, the beacon, because he stood up to you on the stairs of Jedi Temple that night. His name will haunt you like a curse for the rest of your life in darkness.

Padmé loves him.

I love him.

Ahsoka loves him.

We do not love you.

-Obi-Wan Kenobi

**ThatTubaGuy: I got the Vader/Anakin letter in! I know its a tad short, this chapter is short... (Vader is curt like that and also kinda a jerk) which is why I squished in a Obi-Wan letter in too. It's no problem to respond, I think all authors should acknowledge the comments (in my opinion don't get offended pls!) unless they are overflooding. I am glad you like this story, and I try to put new topics every chapter. Thank you for reading this! It means the world to me!**


	8. Letter 8

**A/N: Sorry, for the 1 day late post, I meant to do it yesterday, but RL ya know?**

**Chapter 8**

_18 BBY, Coruscant/Imperial Center _

Kenobi,

What do you know of love? Besides your _undying_ dedication to the very much _dead_ Order. To the Republic. To your _duty_.

You were brainwashed by the Jedi when you were young, ripped away by the parents you never knew, to have no emotion, to have no attachments, _to release everything into the Force_. _To be what the Force wills._

I cannot blame you for the actions the Council has done, but you refuse to turn away from said Council and said Order. You stubbornly cling onto them like a child to its mother. You _still_ hold to their ideals, their morals and _expectations _like a lifeline. The Jedi are gone, Kenobi.

Vader

_18 BBY, Tatooine_

Dear Anakin,

I know of love. I have felt it before. The swelling feeling in your chest, the small gestures, the smiles, feeling immense care and protectiveness for another. I may not have the love you share with Padmé, but I know love. I felt it for Ahsoka, for my troopers in the 212th, for Satine and Qui-Gon, for _you_.

Yes, I am still dedicated to the Order. As you said, the Order was my life. Most its members may be dead in this world, but the Order isn't about physical members. The Light Side, no matter how faint it is, still exists and resists your growing darkness. That is what I cling to. My ideals are my own, my morals are my own, and my expectations are my own. They may have been influenced by the Jedi, but they are my _own_. I am _my_ person, Anakin. The Jedi will come back someday...one day.

I dearly hope so.

-Obi-Wan Kenobi

**EllanaSkywalker: I'm so happy you're glad! It wasn't my idea really, masterkenobi25 and ThatTubaGuy were the ones who suggested it to me. I look forward to seeing you :)...well, not SEEING you...I mean...you know what I mean! **

**LPK9: Thank you! Yeah, Vader definitely needs an earful haha. Thank you, I know some authors when they are writing post-ROTS with Kenobi, they always give him Mustafar nightmares. So I'm not very original, except that was my take on it! I try to make a theme for each chapter! Haha yeah, gotta get some old Kenobi snark in there, eh? I tried to make it sound Vaderish but he's so hard to write! Anyway TYSM for reading!**

**masterkenobi25: I'm glad! Yup, that's Vader.**


	9. Letter 9

**A/N: So, so, so, so, so sorry! I lost track of how long I didn't publish a chapter because I RL is a pain in the ass, and I'm making this chapter now because I haven't done one in at least around 20 ish days! Again, I'm sorry! :(**

**Chapter 9**

_17 BBY, Tatooine_

Dear Anakin,

It's been awhile, old friend. I was… actually waiting for a response to my previous letter, but I never got one. You must be busy, with all that Jedi hunting and Empire enforcing. Palpatine is growing more and more like a dictator with each passing day, casting his iron grip over every system he can reach, using _you_ as a puppet at his own will.

You could have been so much Anakin… but, I know that… you weren't ever _truly _happy as a Jedi. That, even if you didn't know it at the time, yearned to get away from that old Temple and fly across the stars whenever and however you want. I remember you said when you were little, you'd be the first person to go to every planet in the galaxy… The Jedi took you in when you were nine, almost _ten_, you already had your own viewpoints of the world and attachments have already been forged. You've seen things no child should ever see, endure things no _person_ should endure. And then, we go on and make it worse. After Qui-Gon died and you were accepted into the Temple, we forced you call us Master, when you _clearly _didn't want to. We forced you to bottle your emotions and harbor them inside of you, to fester and rot. We forced you to _release your attachment into the Force _and when you struggled to do so, you were only admonished. You were outcasted by the other Padawans for being new and the supposed 'Chosen One', and because they _feared _you.

You had nobody, except for Palpatine, Padmé, and myself, who you've explicitly, but truthfully, stated that I never listened. Because I didn't. I knew I was a tad lenient with you, and I could have been stricter, but I was still… distancing myself from you. With all that piled up, it's no wonder you turned to the two people who would actually _listen _to you and who supposedly _cared_ about your opinion. Palpatine and Padmé. One manipulated you and the other was used for your manipulation. I see now, the signs.

I… think I know now what you saw on Mortis that day, what the Father had to erase from your mind. When, even if you forgot, you had your second taste of the Dark Side. It's all clicking together now, it's all making sense. And I wish I could've gotten to you sooner… but ah, what did I say about 'what ifs'? I hope that I can talk to you again, Anakin, it's been a pleasure. A fairly cathartic pleasure, but a pleasure nonetheless.

I hope you're safe out there.

-Obi-Wan Kenobi


	10. Letter 10

**A/N: I'm back!**

**Chapter 10**

_17 BBY, Tatooine_

Dear Anakin,

You'd still have yet to reply, and In beginning to wonder if you only replied one time because you wanted to get me off your back. I was truly dreading the day you would reply before, but now I wish you would, even if it's to insult me.

Or insult the Jedi.

Or both.

The nightmares are still continuing, but they are different each time, always ending with you dying. Or worse, _Vader_.

Sometimes… I feel… that all of my limbs are made from a cheap metal and massive amounts of armor resting on my shoulders and hanging from my body. I hear heavy breathing, a twinge of pain as each one is shoved out. I hear prosthetic feet that are far too long slamming against the ground in strides. I feel something over my face, my eyes seeing only a tinted red lense. I feel a cape snap at my heels. The feeling of burnt skin rubbing against the prosthetics painfully, constantly. But that isn't the worst part. The worst part is not physical, but what was _inside_.

I felt… lifeless. Cold and dried. I felt as if the galaxy was weighing on my shoulders. I felt like I was in an inky black well, no escape, never getting a chance at escape. I felt like there were chain balls weighing down those _fake_ arms and legs. I felt the screams of those I loved echoing in my ears. I felt the permanent stains of innocent's blood staining those pristine leather black gloves that were clean to the sight of the masses, but they weren't… not to you. I felt _fire_. That I was being burned, slowly, _agonizingly_. I felt like I wanted to show everyone my pain, my hatred, to show them and to mock them. I wanted to let my boiling anger out on everyone. I wanted to throw this clunky armor off, and these horrible prosthetics, and this _helmet_, and just _slaughter_ every single person like they were animals. I felt like regret, no, I _reeked_ of it, the guilt, the anguish. All of it. I felt _so alone_.

I… hated it.

Was this… was this what you endured? I cannot… I can't…. Anakin. I'm… I… Sorry will never be enough… it will never be enough. I just… this is my fault. Damnit, this is my fault! I should have saved you! I should… should have, hah. What's the point of saying should have? You've endured this, you're enduring it. And I'm just a Jedi Master, no, I'm just Obi-Wan Kenobi wallowing over his former Padawan turned miserable Sith Lord saying how he _could have_ helped him, but _chose not to_.

This is worse than Mustafar… this was the result of Mustafar... the result of _my fault. _This may be pointless, and I can't express how much _I am so so sorry_ over a letter, but…

I'm so sorry, Anakin, please. I'm so sorry.

-Obi-Wan Kenobi

**Pink ranger 13: Thank you so much! I'll try!**

**LPK9: Yeah :). Vader was never truly gone, since Luke was able to bring him back. Poor Kenobi, indeed.**


	11. Letter 11

**A/N: I need to write another Vader letter soon… next chapter maybe? I'm not quite sure how long this series of letters will be… (This one is a bit short)**

**Chapter 11**

_17 BBY, Tatooine_

Dear Anakin,

No reply? Did I scare you off with my last letter? I hope not… maybe I should have told you about my nightmare I had several days ago. Oh, back to the should have's? Nevermind. I won't go off on a redundant rant about those anymore.

I've been thinking lately.

Those nightmares are _always _about _you_. About your… pain…

Have you been having some, just reverse? Instead, you see _me_?

This sounds completely insane, but has… had the bond we shared… not been severed? Faint as it may be, is it still there? Is there _hope_? Is there hope that you will come back, come back to the light… no, no, wrong… will you come back to the people who care? The people, though few, who care for your health and well-being? Who wish nothing but the best for you in life? Who wish for _you to be happy_? You are _SUFFERING_, Anakin! You think you are _ALONE_ in this world, with _NO ONE WHO CARES ABOUT YOU_! _I_ do! Maybe if Ahsoka is alive, she does too! _WE CARE_! I don't care if this is deemed as 'attachment' but Anakin, you were my brother. I will do whatever it takes to get you away from that bastard, Sidious. He manipulated you, Anakin. He's using you, whatever may be left of you.

Anakin… come back.

There… there are people who _need_ you. Who _need_ you to be there for them. Who _care_.

I care.

Ahsoka cares.

Would Padmé want you to head down this road of destruction, both inflicted on the galaxy and onto yourself?

I thought not.

I loved you, Anakin. You were my brother-in-arms, my best friend, my Padawan…

I wish I could have said that sooner, maybe I _should have _said that sooner. I miss you…

-Obi-Wan Kenobi

**EllanaSkywalker: It is, I'm sorry :). Yeah, they're both having a tough time rn…**

**Guest: Ttym! I'll try my best!**

**masterkenobi25: Yeah, he did :) but I'm not sure EXACTLY how Vader and Obi-Wan communicate without Imperial Intel finding Obi-Wan but *shrug* it's Fanfiction. Yeah, I've read a few Vader novels and comics and I draw inspiration from that. They tell a whole lot more about what Vader was going through instead of us **_**just**_ **seeing the bad guy. And thank you! :)**


	12. Letter 12

**A/N: Vader! This is a long one because I got carried away. Also, SUPER "not tough" Vader in this one and more of a vulnerable Vader. :) Vulnerable Vader is my life-blood...**

**Chapter 12**

_17 BBY, Coruscant/Imperial Center_

Kenobi,

That is impossible that our bond is still intact, I felt it snap, it's _severed_. I will _not_ go back, the Empire is what I fight for now.

_It is my purpose_.

It's something that will not let die, and I will die fighting for it. This is my choice. Once I finally gain enough power, I will overthrow the Emperor, and will finally be able to make my own choice. I will serve no one but myself, for the first time in my life, I'll be free. I'll be my own man, whatever parts of my humanity that are left. Is that too much to ask for? I have the Galaxy's strongest army at my beck and call, I'm the second most powerfulest man in the galaxy, I have the Dark Side of the Force bending to my every will, yet… yet… I don't have my own life in my hands. Always a Master to control me. Always _someone to control me_. Always someone _to look down on me_. This suit is my prison, my coffin, the place I will die in and join Padmé in the Force. She may not accept me, but at least I will be able to see her _just one more time_.

I have… had nightmares as well… though not through your eyes… but mine.

I'm in a void. Black and dark, a murky place, how fitting. I am in the apparent center, a bright spotlight shining on that horrible helmet and that blasted armor.

I'm just… standing there.

I look at my gloves that were softly reflecting the silvery light, nothing unnatural.

But that's when I started to see small black flecks peeling off of them.

More and more started to come off, but not just my gloves, but all of my armor. The specks just floated into nowhere. I saw my prosthetics and my slowly withering, blotchy skin. Then, even they too, started to peel away.

Showing me one mechanical arm and another smooth, but slightly calloused, sun-kissed hand. I felt soft curls on the back of my neck, the scratchy fabric of my old Jedi robes were on me. I almost cried… I almost feel to my knees, and to run my flesh hand into my hair _just to make sure it was actually there_. But even that too, started to fade.

My hair started to shorten, a braid sliding down my shoulder, my mechanical hand started to disappear, the familiar faint scars on my left started vanishing. But it still wasn't over.

Everything started to change drastically, my height shrunk several feet, my hands became smaller, a mop of bangs fell across my forehead. I was a nine year old boy again, scared of the big wide galaxy, but always safe in his mother's arms.

And for that, I broke into tears.

I don't know how long I cried, but I felt so alone. I _was_ so alone.

And it hurt so much, Obi-Wan.

It hurt so much.

But I'll keep fighting. I'll keep fighting till I die. And I'll fight for the _Empire_.

Vader


End file.
